the otherwhirled

where nothing is real, and nothing else is sacred.


penis-birthday-cake.jpgThank you.

I was recently reminded of an important anniversary: that of the birthday of an anonymous friend whom we will refer to as “Krystal“, because that’s her name. I will tactfully refrain from revealing the extraordinary number of years which Krystal has been alive, but it’s only like 4 or 5 (or is it 6?) if you group it into decades. See Krys, you ain’t old at all!

At any rate, I wanted to be sure to do something nice for Krystal on her massively-ancient fortieth birthday, because she wasn’t too bad of a neighbor when we were growing up ever so long ago. And since she’s practically older than god and we’ve been apart for so long, I thought I’d do something really “nice” for her. Yes, even though she refused to come see me when I visited San Antonio earlier this year (claiming a “missionary trip”, as if her husband can only lay face-down and moan somewhere in the US).

So, I would like to ask all my readers if they would please stop whatever they’re doing at precisely 9:00 p.m. Eastern tonight and burst out in a spontaneous birthday song in honor of Krystal, the agèd friend of Commander Other. This will be especially exciting if you’re on a crowded bus or airplane, so make sure you sing it off-key in the loudest voice you can muster.

Happy Birthday, Krystal, and may you continue to feel only as old as your children cause you to feel! So, make a wish and blow, Krys!

2007.08.23 Posted by | humor, snark | 6 Comments

Gomer Piledriver

(AFP/File/Sabah Arar) “Here, General David Patraeus is portrayed as he prepares to pile another heap of turd onto the smoldering ruins of military independence from politicization. Later this year, General Patraeus will report to Congress whatever his White House handlers compel him to say, as the international community of military leaders hangs its head in shame.”

photo credit: AFP/File/Sabah Arar

2007.08.23 Posted by | opinion, political hegemony, politics, public figures, snark | Leave a comment

George the Ironoclast

(Jim Young/Reuters) “King George the Worst furthers the Imperial Policy of Ironic Appearances, on the apparent premise that almost nothing could be more ironic than a man who lacked the honor to have ever put himself in harms way on behalf of his country speaking to Veterans of Foreign Wars—especially foreign wars he unjustifiably instigated.”

photo credit: Jim Young/Reuters

2007.08.23 Posted by | humor, political hegemony, politics, public figures, snark | Leave a comment

LOLcons: i spy wif my lil eye

i spy wif my lil eye (AFP/File/Jim Watson) FINISH THE SAYING CONTEST: What does Mike McConnell spy with his little eye? Is it the continued erosion of the personal freedoms of Americans? The desperate clutching at a program that has yet to produce reliable intelligence? A toupée that will look good with a misplaced sense of relevance and a self-satisfied grin? You retort, we decide!

‘LOLcons’ concept created by Jon Swift and named by Marita.

original photo credit: AFP/File/Jim Watson

2007.08.23 Posted by | caption contest, humor, LOLcons, otherwhirled originals, politics, public figures, snark | 3 Comments